[July 2007] One thing you do not want is to be spoken of as “not from Somerset West”. Our town is one of the most, if not the most, attractive towns in the Helderberg. As such, we have a certain reputation we live up to. So, if you want to be one of “us”, we suggest you use this guide to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself out there.
1. Behaviour
An atmosphere of sophistication, peace and serenity. Kindly keep the noise levels, fashion levels, pet levels and car levels down, and you are half-way there. Good manners are part and parcel of our culture: “please”, “thank you” are very popular. In Swest we are people, not cattle: if you bump into one of us on the street, we will genuinely apologise. Please, don’t cut in front of us in the line, don’t litter, don’t swear and Mr. and Mrs. Neighbour, we do not share your taste in films, music or television programmes.
2. Swestians
Be prepared for diversity. Tourists from all over the globe mob the town in the tourist season (early spring to late autumn). Also, many of the people who you’ll encounter working in shops, restaurants and so forth have most likely travelled into town from the surrounding towns or abroad. Fear not, we born and bred Swestians are there as well, but quite reserved. You're more likely to find us driving a white sedan to the office or golf course, lunching at a coffee shop, or after work hours at home or a restaurant. Again, we’re somewhat reserved, so don't expect us to strike up conversation if we don’t know you, but we’ll be very polite.
3. Clothing
Our ladies are known for their understated fashion sense. Always active, you will find them in tasteful, comfortable wear. When out they are the most chic instances of feminine elegance in the region and will usually be draped upon the arm of a men who is equally smartly dressed. Swest men, ever practical, are nevertheless fashion conscious. As a rule they leave the bright colours at home and wear quiet colours and they’re normally shaven with neatly trimmed hair. Take not that we will look askance at anyone who displays underwear, loud make-up, crazy hair and garish accessories (including pets, children, cars and cell phones). It is your saving grace that we’re too polite to stare.
4. Communication
We speak pleasantly and clearly. We don’t scream or raise our voices or shriek (even if we are sixteen and female), we’ve recognised the possibilities of language which we apply at all times. Various native languages are spoken, but you will hear the occasional French, German, Dutch, and company. Swearing is not popular (at least not in public), slang less so (unless you’re a teenager) and we do not wish to hear other people’s telephone conversations.
5. Transport
You will need a car.
We have nothing further to say.
6. Entertainment
We have many opportunities for quality entertainment in and about our town, but we love coffee shops by day and restaurants by night… so it is there you are likely to bump into the outgoing Swestian. So visiting these places have become a sort of art form.
Briefly then:
- Be friendly, and they will be friendly;
- If you request water with your meal, you’ve probably forgotten we have the most excellent wine estates surrounding our town;
- We leave a 10% tip regardless of the service — that is, we tip graciously, not performatively, and complain to the person in charge;
- Don’t snap your fingers;
- Don’t talk with your mouth full;
- Learn to use your flatware properly;
- Sit up straight;
- And, remember that there are other people in the restaurant!
7. Surroundings
The summit of the Helderberg Mountain is the best view of the entire area, but usually we find ourselves on foot or by car in the streets. These we are happy to share with non-swestians, but we insist on your keeping it clean and spit free. We also insist on recycling. The person littering is most likely not a Swestian, neither is the one who drives like a maniac (a word of advice: give way to your right at traffic circles). In fine, respect our town and you may even be mistaken for a Swestian.
